Similar and related to my feelings about depression, I'm of the opinion that our fears have more power over us when we can't talk about them. How are we ever supposed to tackle our fears if we can't even acknowledge them? My friend Katherine brought this up in a video she made yesterday, and so I'm inspired to name my fears. Publicly. All of them. Or at least all the ones I can think of. Trivial. Dumb. Pathetic. Crazy. Legitimate.
I'm afraid of/that:
- Spiders
- Stagnation. I don't want to be working retail and living in my parents house for the rest of my life.
- Regression. That notion that people can't really change and stick to that change scares me. Who I used to be scares me.
- Not being able to see the world. There's such a big list of places that I want to go, things I want to see, foods I want to devour, drinks I want to taste, but I'm already 25 and have only left the country to go to Mexico.
- Being consumed by depression and darkness.
- Being consumed by sin.
- No one likes me as much as I like them.
- No one will ever love me as much as I love them.
- Never being able to have a healthy relationship. After what I went through with Jeff, I'm not sure I'll ever want to let anyone in.
- I might still trust too easily
- Guys will think it's weird that the only boyfriend I've had was not really a relationship because we never actually saw each other while we were "dating" so I've never actually been on a date where someone was actually willing to admit it was a date
- If anyone does give me a chance, they will bail once they see my flaws, physical and otherwise
- I may have no useful talents.
- Having children.
- Not having children.
- Labor.
- Breast feeding.
- Dragging people down.
- Never getting out of debt.
- Sleep paralysis.
- To let people see my failures.
- Not learning from my failures.
- I might be actually crazy.
- Not having enough time with the people I love.
- Working on a novel and showing it to the world only to find that it's terrible.
- The wrong people finding my Twitter/blog.
- To share my dark thoughts with my family and pretty much those I would see as adults rather than peers.
- To let people see how weird I am.
- I'm not as brave as some people think.
- I'm not as strong as some people think.
- All my teeth will fall out in my sleep.
- Sleep paralysis.
- I might be as shallow as this world in which I live.
- I'm an irritable jerk who should not be around people, particularly those who live in my house.
- Not being able to read all the books I would like to read.
- I will never get any money for the Beanie Babies sitting in a large bag in my room.
- Rats
- Potato bugs
- Cockroaches
- Sharks or anything else that could attack me while I'm swimming in the ocean like jelly fish
- I'm not smart enough.
- I'm not pretty enough.
- I'm not good enough.
- I'm not a useful human.
- I might not be coping as well as I tell myself.
- Nothing I do makes any difference.
- No one cares what I have to say.
- That sexism, racism, and other prejudices will never die.
And now I will face them head on. Except the spiders. Will you face yours?
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