I didn't talk about this yesterday, but I'm doing BEDA (Blog EveryDay in April). I failed at Blogaust last year pretty hardcore, and I'm already feeling discouraged and junk, but writing is important to me and yet I never make myself do it. I thought about doing some sort of writing challenge, but most of them aren't that interesting. I have, however, pinned a few, so I'm going to use them when I need ideas and pick from the lists for the corresponding day. When I tried to go to Pinterest to see my board, I typed "VidCon" into my URL bar, so it was pretty clear that "Something you look forward to in the next 12 months" was what I needed to be writing about.
A lot of you probably know that I did a crowdfund to try to get to VidCon due to my financial situation. That's actually mostly what I want to talk about today, as I sort of intended to in the past but didn't.
2014 was a year of terrible jobs for me. They both started out as pretty okay environments and then became awful and toxic really quickly. They were also both quite underpaid. I was making $8.50-$10.80 per hour in positions where the amount of hours I was given were very inconsistent, and never full time. This was during a time where I tried to live on my own and then moved across the country. I've also spent 9 months since August 2013 being unemployed. A lot of this is my fault for not being persistent in finding jobs/better jobs, and for letting my anxiety and depression get the better of me, but nonetheless, it's led to a pretty terrible financial situation.
About a month ago, my friends all started planning for VidCon. At the time, I had a once a week babysitting gig, and that was my only source of income. That coupled with my debt made it impossible for me to imagine myself going to VidCon. My best friend, Ashleigh, told me she wanted to help me out, but thinking about paying for any of it was just overwhelming. Another friend also offered to help, but there was no way I was going to let them pay for so much and I was still stressing out. Ashleigh sent me a text saying that she didn't want to pressure me if I didn't want to go, but lots of people wanted to help me. I responded by saying that two people was not a lot and that I couldn't pay for any of it.
I like to make jokes about crowdfunding. It's kind of a strange thing our culture has come up with and it feels a little wrong to use it for personal things like vacations. VidCon is more than a vacation for me. Despite a couple of bad experiences in the past, it's something I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. It's a few days of being surrounded by a bunch of nerds who I can be myself around, and I get to see (although usually all too briefly) my friends who I normally only get to see on Twitter and Instagram. VidCon was the best part of my 2014, which you might be shocked to know if you read my blog back in July. So, when the thought of crowdfunding came into my head, I decided to go for it and suffer any embarrassment it might cause me. I figured a few people might give me $5-$10 and at least I would be a little closer to my goal. I certainly never imagined to make my goal, which was originally just for my registration. In the end, I made MORE than my goal, which means gas and some food are also paid for. I'm honestly still in shock.
Asking for help can be a profound experience. Being proven wrong can be a magical gift. I had the pleasure of experiencing both. I upped my goal a little bit when Ashleigh donated, because the point was not to make her pay for my registration and hotel, then I upped it again when I decided it would probably be possible to get enough for my hotel and my registration. I made my $400 goal in a day. I cannot tell you what an amazing experience that was for me (but I will start by saying that I am currently crying upon recalling it). People were so much more generous that I would have ever dared to dream. One of the most unexpected and touching things for me was to receive contributions from people who couldn't make it to VidCon themselves but wanted to, and people who don't really care about VidCon.
I've obviously already individually thanked everyone who is making it possible for me to go to VidCon, but I wanted this blog to be sort of an extended thank you so that you truly know how much it means that you've done this. I'm failing to articulate myself. Words are hard and my brain is mush. Anyway, thank you for proving me wrong. Thank you for teaching me that asking for help is okay and can lead to an unexpected outpouring of love. Thank you for showing me that you want me to be happy and just have a time to be myself with my friends. Thank you for parting with your hard-earned money. Thank you for making it so VidCon will not be another chunk of my debt. Thank you for being that little voice in the back of my head when I want to spend money I don't have. Every single one of you have been a support to me in a lot of way apart from this and I just thank you so much for that constant friendship.
All that is to say, I'm more excited than ever to go to VidCon. It's going to be the best time among some of the best people in existence.
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