Thoughts of a Dormant Writer

I really need to be in bed but I also need to write this blog, but I have no idea what to write about, so I'm just going to talk about what I've been thinking about.

We're already at day 5 of BEDA, but I haven't really talked about why I'm here, mildly torturing myself to write every day for a month. I guess it's kind of just because writing is a thing that makes me feel...right. I feel good while I'm writing and after I write. I love the feel of the keyboard beneath my fingers, watching the words fill up the page. I love getting thoughts out of my mind and into this digital pensieve. It gives me a sense of accomplishment to put something out into the world that wasn't there before, even if it's not particularly earth-shattering. I hadn't been doing it lately, though. BEDA is really the best way to force myself into it. There's a novel running around in my head, but I know that as soon as I start writing it, I'm going to be terrible to be around. It's going to be about pretty unpleasant subject matter and I get so immersed in my writing that I just know my mind will be immersed in a toxic wasteland. So BEDA's here to force me to be disciplined to write a vast array of things with my dormant writing muscles in the meantime. I always hope this type of thing will turn me into an actually good writer who is consistent in what she does, but I think my hopes are a bit more realistic this time in that I just hope to finish.

I frequently think about never blogging again because I'm all over the place with it and have such a low response rate to it, but maybe it's okay that it's more for me than for anyone else (God knows I spend zero time trying to make it look remotely spiffy like other blogs). Blogging is kind of the most vain thing I do, apart from maybe posting a Chelfie almost every day this year. It can feel so conceited to be like, "These are my thoughts! Take precious time out of your day to listen to them! Please feed my poor ego!" That vanity can be difficult for a Hufflepuff like me.

I was thinking today about why it's important to express ourselves, particularly the bad things. A lot of it is because when we hide things, they have more power over us, but I think it's also really important to realise that a lot of the things we share with others may be things those people have wished they were able to find the words to share with us. Being a person is horrifying, but it's so much better when we know we're not alone in the way we think. I've said these things several times before, but I just feel really strongly that there's something to be said about vocalising pain rather than finding shame in it as we're so often taught to do. Obviously we shouldn't be constantly whining, but attempting to articulate the shadows of our minds can be a beautifully freeing experience.


Hope you all had a happy Easter if you celebrate such things!



Listening to: "Kintsugi" by Death Cab for Cutie