The Distorted Lens of Insecurity

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how our insecurities affect the people around us and the way we view the world. I think most of the ugly traits we possess can be traced back to insecurity, which can lead to an awful cycle of self-loathing. 

When we hate certain things about ourselves, we tend to idealize those traits in other people. If you're uncomfortable with your weight, thin people can become an extreme source of jealousy. Because our insecurities are so deeply ingrained within us, they seep out in ways we don't always intend. When we idealize aspects of others, we tend to inadvertently make them feel guilty for possessing certain qualities which are often genetic. We can find ourselves wondering why they deserve to have what we don't. The flip side of that is that we end up believing we deserve the bad things. The truth is, no one deserves their genes, good or bad. Every single person has a problem that can be traced back to their genetics. No one is the ideal specimen. As much as you feel you cannot achieve perfection, neither can anyone else. Nothing about someone else's beauty detracts from your own beauty. 

Sometimes the opposite of that can happen: We hate certain things about ourselves so we dislike anyone else who reflects those qualities. If you're working on being a less emotionally sensitive person and you spend time with someone who is highly emotional, sometimes all you see is that one quality. People are vastly complex, and just like you are more than your flaws, they are more than their flaws. There's not equation or timeline for being the right kind of person. No one is ahead or behind you in terms of personal development. We're all on entirely different paths, though they may look similar at times. No one else's bad qualities add to your own or are in any way a reflection of you.

I could go on and on about how our insecurities hinder us from being the people we're meant to be, but these are the ways I've really noticed in my own interactions recently. I really want to strive not to do the people around me the disservice of seeing them through the distorted lens of insecurity. As much as we can strive to edify people with our words, I really think the root of the problem is our inner monologues. If we're trying to constantly watch our words around people but have an inner monologue constantly telling us that we're not good enough, that's going to get out eventually. It can seem kind of narcissistic and self-involved to work on self-love, but I would argue that learning how to spend less time hating yourself is the best way to free up your heart for better things.